Sense Project

PFLAG Canada is an organization that “supports, educates and provides resources to anyone with questions or concerns. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” And, they definitely provide lots of awesome material designed with everyone in mind. There’s stuff for youth, seniors, parents, family members, employers, co-workers, educators, clergy, healthcare providers and so forth. Basically, whether your sexual orientation and/or gender identity or someone else’s has got you confused, angry, fearful, proud or ashamed, PFLAG has got you covered.

For a very ultra mini taste of what PFLAG has to offer, here are some general tips for coming out that I pulled from their “So what is it like to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and/or questioning” sections:

General Tips for Coming-out

You may be very nervous about telling family members that you are gay, but here are a few strategies that can help you decide what to say and when to say it:

1) Don’t be rushed, timing is important. Try to pick a quiet time of the day that will allow everyone who is involved to focus on the discussion and any questions that follow.

2) Tell them there is something you feel they ought to know. This says that you are making a deliberate effort to share important news.

3) Keep your opening statements brief. If you want to start with, “For a long time, I have felt…” or any other lead-in, keep it to two sentences - or less! The anticipation may be worse than actually hearing the news.

4) Be clear and direct. Say the words, “Mom and Dad, I am gay.” If you are telling young children, read the section on “Coming-out to your Dependant Children”.

5) If they react poorly tell them you understand that this information is difficult to hear.

6) Explain that it has taken you a lot of time to understand it yourself, so you realize that it will take them some time too.

7) Try to answer their questions, but tell them you may not have all the answers. If the exchange goes poorly, don’t fret. It doesn’t mean they will never accept you. They may just need time to absorb the news and think about what it means to your relationship.

© 2005 PFLAG Canada Inc. www.pflagcanada.ca

Lots of things! Yes, there are loads of ways that you can make a difference. And, while this list is not exhaustive, it’s a good start…

1. Don’t use slurs. Don’t use “queer” or “gay” to mean stupid, lame, etc… And, when other people use slurs, you can call them on it using a variety of comebacks.

For example, here’s a few things you could say if you heard something like “Mac computers are so gay”:

-You know, saying that is insulting to gay people.

-Right, because Mac computers are all attracted to other Mac computers.

-How would you feel if I used a characteristic of yours, like your race, gender or religion as an insult?

-I know a lot of people say that, but I find it offensive. Can you make an effort not to use that phrase?

2. Don’t gossip. Rumours about who’s dating who and who’s sleeping with who can make people feel even more self-conscious about their dating choices (or their decision not to date).

3. Watch your language. If you’re with a group of people, don’t assume everyone is straight. Using “partner” instead of girlfriend or boyfriend is a good way to be more inclusive. For example, “everyone’s invited to bring their partner to this party.” If someone asks what partner means, just explain. It’s a good way of introducing the topic of sexual diversity into the conversation.

4. Speak up! This can mean a lot of things, from myth-busting to starting discussions on homophobia and sexual diversity in or out of class and/or workplace (e.g., create a “Coming Out” bulletin board featuring LGBTTI heroes and role models) to actually challenging someone directly. You’ll have to decide what your level of comfort is, but it can help to think of every homophobic comment as an opportunity to get people thinking and talking.